This morning’s login time 35 minutes and counting…

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Council ‘is customer driven’, as it hijacks the bus, crashes it, then holds a consultation asking people where they want to go.

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A solar panel salesman called Organ left me a voicemail saying he was looking at my roof and he wants to know how big mine is.

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I have received twenty years worth of record keeping forms in the internal mail. #headdesk

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Eating some 100 year old birthday cake.

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Bit parky out.

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@mo6020 when Crossrail arrives you will.

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@okjx6729n7 fuck off.

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Half an hour to login to the new ‘Work Smart’ IT system. #win

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@rpcutts he does look like a big, sexy llama no mention it, though.

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I hope Falcao is buying de Gea’s drinks tonight.

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Arsenal fans wearing flares on the King’s Road. Disgraceful.

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Like Welbeck, Falcao was bound to score one eventually.

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@rpcutts have you been hacked?

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12 week old son just laughed properly for the first time. Now he can’t stop.

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Someone deliver me some beer.

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‘Are you going to Oggcomp?’ ‘Am I fuck, no!’

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Before computers: pages.ebay.com/link/?nav=item… #football

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Council explaining that money doesn’t grow on trees: “We’ve slashed the low-hanging fruit, now we’re setting fire to the orchard.”

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Dodgy, Senseless Things, and Evil Things on my “I’m feeling lucky” playlist this morning.

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Truly marvellous story and film: bbc.co.uk/programmes/b04… #football

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@ghostdancer yeah, once I scraped it off the baking tray, it was better than my first attempt (which looked nicer). #winning

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Second attempt at a maple and pecan plait. instagram.com/p/tfHcyhqM7w/ #fail

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@ghostdancer never heard either expression before, but merci and ‘Bottoms up!’, as we say here.

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@ghostdancer bit early for gin. I can hear Her Maj purring already. But beans and tomatoes together are a no-no.

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